Drew Payneís Website

A Traditional Marriage

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Darling, I need to talk to you.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Can it wait? The news is on in a minute and Robert Peston is going to give his report on the budget. Heís so dreamy, he could manage my savings any day.

Husband:††† †††††††††††† This serious.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† What now?

Husband;††† †††††††††††† Iím leaving you.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† What! Why?

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Our marriage simply doesnít have any worth anymore.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† What! Since when?

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Since they decided to give gays the right to marry. It makes a mockery of traditional marriage. Therefore our marriage isnít worth anything, so Iím leaving you.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† What! Have you gone mad?

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Look, now that your brother and his ďcivil partnerĒ can get married it just destroys all the value of our marriage. The gays getting the right to marry just devalues the whole institution. Thereís no point to us staying married so Iím leaving you.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† This is bollocks!

Husband:††† †††††††††††† This is real serious. Our whole marriage is worthless now those gays can do it. Also, I need you to move now, I need the house.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† I donít believe you, youíre full of shit.

Husband:††† †††††††††††† No Iím not! Iíve been listening to all those Catholic Bishops and they make a lot of sense. Gays marrying is unnatural and will ruin marriage for everyone. Thereís no point to marriage anymore, itís no longer special. Thatís why Iíve got to leave you. When can you move out?

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Youíre listening to Catholic Bishops? What do they know about anything, except covering up for peado priests.

Husband:††† †††††††††††† You canít talk me into staying. Our marriage is worthless and Iím leaving.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Wait a minute. Itís that blonde slut from your PR Department! You swore it was only a drunken grope at your Christmas party.

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Suzi-Ann has been helping me work through my moral conundrums.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† I bet she has been! I bet her oral skills are very good!

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Itís not like that. She understands me and how much gay marriage upsets me.

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† If gay marriage upsets you then donít marry another man!

Husband:††† †††††††††††† Youíre not taking my concerns seriously!

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† What? The way Suzi-Ann did? On her back!

Husband:††† †††††††††††† The gays are destroying traditional marriage!

Wife:† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† No! Itís twats like you that are destroying marriage!


Drew Payne,

April 2012.