Drew Payneís Website

Expensive Expenses

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† (Checking a text on her phone) God, this is unbelievable. Whoíd be an MP? Who could afford to be an MP? God, I should resign.

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Whatís the matter?

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† Itís my mortgage. Itís crippling me. I bought this lovely big house in Putney, when we could still claim back our mortgages.

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Then the expenses ďscandalĒ comes in and we canít even claim for our mortgage. Bloody Telegraph, kicking us all off the gravy train.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† Iím left getting screwed over my mortgage. I canít even claim for my husband as a ďconsultantĒ anymore.

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† There is a way you can cover your mortgage.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† The press is all over our second jobs, even if we can find one.

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† You can rent your house out.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† And where would I live?

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† You rent somewhere. We can claim for rent, just not mortgages anymore.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† Have you seen the price of renting in London lately?

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† No. I rent your house off you and you rent my house off me, and we both claim our rents back, which cover our mortgages and a bit extra.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† And thatís within the expenses rules?

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Sure is.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† Thatís bloody brilliant!

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† Deal?

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† Deal.

(They shake hands)

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† So, where are you off to next?

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† Another Public Health debate in The House. Seems a quarter of the population donít wash their hands, ever.

Male MP:††††† †††††††††††† †††††††††††† My hands are clean.

Female MP:††††††††††† †††††††††††† So are mine.



Drew Payne

October 2012.


MPís expensive are seldom out of the news. In October 2012 details came to light of different MP renting their homes from each other, to get around the new rules on mortgage relief. Hereís my take on it.