Drew Payne’s Website

The Perfect Show for Edinburgh

Actress:                      We had this wonderful show we took to the Edinburgh Fringe festival, this year. It was this amazing, twenty-four interactive theatrical experience.

It was an adaption of They Shoot Horses Don’t They. Remember, that brilliant seventies film about one of those dance marathon competitions in the 1930s. It was also a book but we couldn’t get the rights to that so we adapted the film instead.

Now, we had the audience as the dancers at the Dance Marathon, while we actors played the leads. Naturally, I played the Jane Fonda role.

Being interactive theatre meant the audience had to keep dancing for the whole twenty-four hours but it was a brilliant idea. The audience got to experience exactly what it was like to be in one of those Dance Marathons. They got to taste the disappointment, the loo kept blocking, and they got to smell the sweat too. We couldn’t afford air conditioning, but, as I said, they didn’t have air conditioning or the internet back then, it was really primitive.

We were doing really great. We’d got two nearly good mentions in other reviews and nearly got onto Dutch TV. We actually had paying members of the audience, not just comps. Then, on our fourth night, only thirteen hours into our show, two pensioners in audience actually collapsed and died. They were only comps, it wasn’t as if they’d actually paid or anything.

The bloody Edinburgh council closed us down. The bastards.

How am I going to be a true artist and get a role on Causality now?



Drew Payne

August 2011.



This sketch was written after I saw a very pretentious theatre director talking about his Edinburgh experimental theatre show were the audience did all the work.