Drew Payne’s Website

When Will You be King?

Kate:                          William, I’m really worried about this.

William:                    God, Harry’s texted me a picture of his arse, again. Sorry, what was it Kate, my little free loading oik?

Kate:                          Your Grand mummy’s Diamond Jubilee is coming up and it got me thinking. Will it take you as long to become king as it’s going to take your daddy?

William:                    Why are you worried about that, my little gold digger?

Kate:                          Because your daddy and your step mummy look really old and wrinkled. Oh God, it like totally grosses me out.

William:                    Camilla’s always looked like that.

Kate:                          But I don’t want to look as old and wrinkled and unshaggable as she does when I’m queen.

William:                    Don’t worried Kate, my social climbing pleb, you won’t.

Kate:                          Why not William? Because I really do worry, you know.

William:                    Because I’ll get you a shit load of plastic surgery. Your face will be tighter then Harry on a Friday night. My Queen is not going to be looking like some bloody chav.

Kate:                          Oh William, you say the loveliest things.

 

Drew Payne,

February 2012.

 

Wills and Kate had been married for over a year when this sketch was written and... Well... Nothing changed much; accept the Royal Family had a new, female member who could wear pretty frocks and get her picture in the press.

 

But what will the future hold for them?

 

Here’s my take on a problem they may be facing.