Drew Payneís Website

When Will You be King?

Kate:†††††††††††† †††††††††††† William, Iím really worried about this.

William:†††††† †††††††††††† God, Harryís texted me a picture of his arse, again. Sorry, what was it Kate, my little free loading oik?

Kate:†††††††††††† †††††††††††† Your Grand mummyís Diamond Jubilee is coming up and it got me thinking. Will it take you as long to become king as itís going to take your daddy?

William:†††††† †††††††††††† Why are you worried about that, my little gold digger?

Kate:†††††††††††† †††††††††††† Because your daddy and your step mummy look really old and wrinkled. Oh God, it like totally grosses me out.

William:†††††† †††††††††††† Camillaís always looked like that.

Kate:†††††††††††† †††††††††††† But I donít want to look as old and wrinkled and unshaggable as she does when Iím queen.

William:†††††† †††††††††††† Donít worried Kate, my social climbing pleb, you wonít.

Kate:†††††††††††† †††††††††††† Why not William? Because I really do worry, you know.

William:†††††† †††††††††††† Because Iíll get you a shit load of plastic surgery. Your face will be tighter then Harry on a Friday night. My Queen is not going to be looking like some bloody chav.

Kate:†††††††††††† †††††††††††† Oh William, you say the loveliest things.


Drew Payne,

February 2012.


Wills and Kate had been married for over a year when this sketch was written and... Well... Nothing changed much; accept the Royal Family had a new, female member who could wear pretty frocks and get her picture in the press.


But what will the future hold for them?


Hereís my take on a problem they may be facing.